


Marilka

by 007black



Series: Brokilon 99 [2]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Police, Can be read as a stand alone, Established Relationship, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), M/M, Multi, No Beta, Only seen the Netflix adaptation, Past Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Post-Episode: s10e11 There's No Place Like Home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/007black/pseuds/007black
Summary: The team suspects a dirty cop is amongst them when guns and cocaine are stolen from evidence.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Triss Merigold, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Brokilon 99 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719238
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. What you hear in the women’s washroom stays in the women’s washroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I added to the first chapter, it was originally under 5 hundred words, but now is over 1 thousand.

They had been called in early that Tuesday morning. Last night someone had broken in and stolen 10 grams of cocaine and 2 big machine guns from evidence lock up. The whole floor was filled with police tape and uniforms rummaging through their squad’s desks and their facilities. Jaskier and Geralt drove in together, Jaskier spending most nights sleeping with Geralt since they started dating. They meet Yennefer in the elevator and rode up together the two detectives figuring out how to organize the crime scene while Geralt went over in his head how Lieutenant DeVries would have handled this and prepared himself to assist her in supervising the search. 

The noise was instant making Geralt scrunch up his nose as the sound attacked his sensitive ears. Yennefer and Jaskier went over to be briefed by the other detectives after Jaskier gave his hand a squeeze and Lieutenant DeVries waved him over. 

“Good morning Geralt, the perp avoided the security system so it was an inside job. The evidence that was stolen was supposed to lock up Stefan Skellen.” Tissaia doesn’t look up as she reads off information on the tablet. He can see Stefan Skellen’s record is up on the screen too. A gang leader and crime boss who is more of a nuisance. He must have wanted the evidence back and gotten someone here to do his dirty work. Nearby he hears Marilka, a meek uniform officer talking to Jaskier. He looks over to wear the detectives and Marilka have gathered. She is shifting nervously as Jaskier explains what is going on. She cheerful thanks them and expresses her wish of the perpetrator being caught and killed and runs over to himself and Tissaia. 

“So do we know who did it?” She shouts despite being right next to him. 

“It was obviously an inside job, so everyone is a suspect currently but we are letting the investigation run its course and we will find the person that did this.” 

“I think it was Adon.” She shouts again. Still shifting nervously. “He owns a taxidermy bear.” 

Geralt just hums as it is not weird that an officer owns a dead bear, but Tissaia agrees that the bear is indicative of an odd man. 

“What will happen to the person when, er if we catch them.” 

“Many crimes where committed so most likely 30 to life.” Geralt explains. 

“They’d miss 15 Oxenfurt Games. Cool.” Sweat is starting to form at her brow and she looks quite nauseous. “K, bye.” 

Geralt turns to look at Tissaia after they watch Marilka power walk away. She is already looking at him and he can tell they are thinking the same thing. 

After staring their thoughts with the detectives who had come to the same conclusion, Detective Marx comes bursting through their huddle and says that he knows who did it.

“So you can’t ask how I know this but Marilka-“ 

“Marilka stole the drugs and guns. We know.” Jaskier hastily interrupts clearly annoyed by Valdo’s presence. “She was acting super suspicious.” 

Tissaia nudged Geralt’s shoulder and motioned for him to follow. She stepped in front of Marilka who was hurrying through the bullpen looking at her feet. She glanced behind at Geralt who had come up behind her, his hand over his gun on his hip. 

“Marilka may I speak to you in my office?” Tissaia calmly asked while still maintaining her authoritative vibe. 

“About what?” Marilka suddenly stands straighter becoming defensive. 

“We can discuss this in my office if you follow me.” Tissaia is still calm. 

“This is such a weird morning!” The shouting is back. “First taxidermy Adon steals from evidence and now you need to talk to me about something totally unrelated, nothing to do with this or my dog. It makes me want a sandwich. You know what? I’m going to go make one. I meet you in your office latter.” She spins on her heel sliding between Geralt and the wall ignoring Tissaia saying her name. “Melitele, I’m guilty of loving sandwiches, but really who isn’t?” She gives out a noticeably fake laugh and skips towards the kitchen. 

Noticing that the lieutenants have followed and are surrounding the kitchen she opens the fridge and starts pulling out the food, listing them as she goes. “I feel like I need some rye bread, Hirikka breast, ham, Oxenfurt cheese, tomato soup, butter-“ Marilka spins on her and throws the food at Geralt and Tissaia as they approach, Geralt trying not to laugh at the choice of sandwich toppings but stops when the tub of butter hits him on the nose. 

When he opens his eyes and removes his hand from his face, Marilka is on the ground, Jaskier with his arm stretched out pouting at the block of cheese, out of the wrapper, thrown right by his feet. 

Yennefer from behind Jaskier whistles. “Damn Jaskier!” And punches his shoulder appreciatively. 

“I was going to eat that cheese. I was looking forward to lunch.” Jaskier is still staring at the Oxenfurt cheese and sways a bit with Yennefer’s punch. 

“Did you knock her out just for the cheese?” Tissaia asks. Careful stepping over the exotic Hirikka breast, going green at the smell. Hirikka meat was a rare meal but Valdo had it everyday. “She works for Skellen, Jaskier. She took the coke.” 

“Oh my gods, the cocaine!” Jaskier brings his outstretched arm and puts his head in his hand. Yennefer no longer looks impressed by Jaskier. 

Geralt carries an unconscious Marilka into an interrogation room after giving her a look over for any injuries sustained in her takedown. Concluding she may have a minor concussion and probably a headache. Setting her down in the chair, making sure she won’t list and bang her head on the table as she continues to sleep, and removing her weapons and badge, locking her hands into the cuffs drilled to the table. 

He and Yennefer who assured that Marilka was unarmed after patting her down head to the room behind the mirror. Jaskier grabs his hand and interlocks their fingers and hands him some ice for his nose.


	2. Bear-Cub

Tissaia begins explaining how they don’t have a location on the evidence or where the handoff with Skellen’s gang was intended to occur. 

“We searched her car and apartment but couldn’t find anything.” Jaskier continues. 

“IT department hacked her phone and computer, but she was smart and didn’t have location services on so we couldn’t track her.” Tissaia, Jaskier, and some officers had went to search her belongings and home. Tissaia had come back before them and clearly didn’t have anymore luck with Marilka’s phone. 

“That or her battery died.” Jaskier quips, smugly pulling out Marilka’s bedazzled phone. “According to her screen time analysis she spends 5 hours a day on an app called ‘Cool Girl Warrior School’ and many other battery taxing apps are listed here as well.”

“I love CGWS.” Everyone turns to look at Valdo who is wistfully looking at his phone. “I just saved a group of Witcher’s and they offered to throw me a party in honour of my bravery. Third year is looking up.” Valdo is oddly proud of his achievements but unaware that most of his coworkers are just judging him. 

“Anyway, the coke Marilka took is key evidence in the case against Stefan Skellen. Clearly his gang would all be incarcerated with this evidence so he wanted it gone. He must have persuaded Marilka’s to do his dirty work.” Tissaia’s voice is louder and higher in pitch as she reigns in the attention of her squad. 

“Pardon me, perhaps my ears aren’t working, but did you suggest Marilka is working for that devilish gang leader Skellen? Marilka who has 10 pet fish and has books about each type of fish she owns?” Jaskier slowly finishes and scrunches up his face in confusion. 

“It was her! I heard her set up a drop in the washroom. The call was to a burner phone so we couldn’t trace the number.” 

Yennefer turns to face Valdo. “Why where you in the women’s restroom?” 

“It wasn’t for a gross reason if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m a gentleman, please. The men’s restroom was occupied and I had to relieve my bowels.” Valdo crosses his arms over his chest and leans towards Yennefer as if he is accepting her challenge. 

“Well as long as it wasn’t for a gross reason.” Triss says in horror, leaning against the back wall. 

The door slams and the squad sees Tissaia sitting down across from a now awake Marilka. Her voice comes through the speakers. “We know you did it Marilka. Help me and I will help you. We are all friends here.” Her tone is anything but friendly. 

“Thank you very much Tiss, but I have plenty of friends.” Marilka says haughtily. “Viper, Wolfy, Bear-Cub, Griffin, Kitty, Crane, gods I miss him, my favourite Manty-Cee he reminds me of a lion head goldfish, he is the biggest too-“

“Marilka! Clearly those are just the names of your pet fish.” Marilka no longer looks haughty as Tissaia yells at her. 

“Ok fine he is actually a lion head goldfish. Crane lived a long and happy life, well long for a cardinal tetra. They are all my fish. Kitty is an upside down catfish, Viper is my first peacock eel, Wolfy an albino cory catfish, Griffin and Bear-Cub are just fancy guppy.” Marilka sighs and looks up from where she was fidgeting with her cuffs. Noticing Tissaia’s impatient expression she hurriedly confesses. “And I took the drugs. I’m sorry, I screwed everything up.” She tried to wipe the tears from her face but is stopped by the handcuffs. 

“Alright. Thank you, Marilka. This is good. Why did you do it?” Tissaia leans forward. 

Marilka stops crying. “The drugs. I’m a druggy. I needed my fix.”

Tissaia leans back. “No. I’m quite sure that’s not it. I think that Skellen coerced you into doing this.” 

Marilka snorts. “Skellen?” The fake laughter starts again. The room cleared out after a minute. 

Tissaia emerged about an hour later. Strands of hair framing her face and sticking out of her usually immaculate bun. “She laughed for 40 minutes.” She hisses. Her left eye twitching. 

“She’s never going to turn on Skellen. Probably she knows the stories of what he does to people that betray him.” Geralt announces turning over a page in a file. 

“You know, I wish there was something we could do to help her.” 

Yennefer snaps her head and stares at Jaskier. “Why?” She rolls her eyes at him. 

He swats at her arm across the desk. “I know she committed a crime. Nonetheless, I think she’s in over her head. She’s not a bad person.” Geralt distinctly remembers Jaskier did not have that view of Marilka when he and Geralt found out about how she killed her pedigree dog because Stregobor wanted to breed it. 

“She is an adult. She made her choices and now must suffer the consequences.” 

“You might not get it Yennefer, but I can relate to someone who made a mistake and can’t find their way out of it.” Geralt is falling deeper in love with this man. “When I was younger, I fancied myself quite a heartthrob. By the end of senior year I had kissed half the school and their parents or lovers had sent me death threats. I went to the hospital at least 3 times that year. Probably should’ve gone more but their isn’t much you can do for a dislocated shoulder and luckily I never got internal damage from a gut punch, so we treated that at home. Any big cuts or broken bones meant a trip to the emergency room. I lost my tooth from Coral McGreevy’s dad.” He pulls back his lip to show the missing tooth. 

“I provided alcohol to students below my year for profit and ended up in juvie.”

“Yenna! That’s foul.” Geralt turns his head to Yennefer. 

“Well what Yennefer did is decidedly worse.” Geralt turns back to Jaskier who has their arms crossed defensively. 

“The nuns in my school were strict. It was a lot of pressure and they wanted progress so I snapped. The alcohol helped me feel better and eventually the other girls felt the same and I gave them what helped me. If I hadn’t been underage I would’ve gone to prison.” Yennefer explains. Geralt is no longer shocked. He understands where she’s coming from. 

“Which,” Jaskier draws out the word and spins his chair so he is facing more than just Yennefer. “is all the more reason you should understand Marilka and know she needs our help.” 

“Nobody helped me. I got kicked out of school and they said that not even God could save me.” 

Triss scoots her chair closer and grabs her hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.” Yennefer positions herself, facing her girlfriend. 

“It was a good thing. I had to face it by myself and fix my problems on my own. It helped make me a stronger person. So no, I disagree. We shouldn’t take pity on Marilka and help her.” Geralt can see this conversation has upset her. Triss seems to notice to and starts to rub her thumb across Yennefer’s hand, hoping to subtly provide comfort. 

“Ok. Fine.” Unfortunately Jaskier is oblivious to Yennefer’s discomfort and continues. “Wouldn’t you rather take down that bastard Skellen who we have been hunting for over a year than Marilka Irion who is a Sand Cloud ambassador to ‘save the fishies’?”

“Yes but who’s to say Marilka will testify against Skellen.” Yennefer rips her hand from Triss’ and places both on her desk, opposite Jaskier. 

“You’re very right.” Jaskier theatrically points at her. “Which is why, we are going to catch him red handed!” Jaskier explains his plan of him going undercover as a dirty cop, breaking Marilka out of the holding room and pretending to help her guard the evidence until they can meet up with Skellen. 

They agree that Yennefer and Jaskier pretend to work for Skellen and take Marilka to where she hid the goods and then let the squad know when they are going to meet up with the gang. 

Jaskier pulls Geralt aside, his hands cupping the back of his head and carding his fingers over the short hair. “I’ll be careful.” 

Geralt hums. “I know. Come back to me. I love you.” He kisses Jaskier quickly. 

“You know I will love.” He flattens the ruffled hair and slides his fingers down Geralt’s neck. Then he’s off, checking in with Yennefer before he grabs Marilka.


	3. Slow and steady wins the race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! Make sure to look for fun Easter eggs! There will be a sequel posted tomorrow, it’s a story of Jaskier and Yennefer, where as this final chapter concludes Geralt’s journey.

Geralt paces from his desk to Jaskier’s. He goes to tug at his hair but remembers he cut it a month ago. He runs his hand down his face instead. Detective Shrike motions for Geralt to join her at Triss’ desk. 

“We need to find out how Skellen got to Marilka.” Renfri explains. “Luckily she kept a comprehensive diary.”

“I am an avid journal user, we can hold off on using the word comprehensive.” Valdo who had joined them from the kitchen where he and Lambert had been fighting over the coffee machine, warns them. They head to the small conference room. “As a power journaling man, I have got to say, this is comprehensive.” 

Geralt shuffles into the room careful not to step on any books. Triss moves to pick up a book on the top of the pile that covers the round table. 

“These are all just from this year?” Triss looks at the front cover. “This one is labeled August twenty first.” 

“Morning.” Grumbles Geralt as he points at the subtitle. “This one is August twenty first evening.” He shows Triss the book he had picked up from the pile. 

Valdo flips through the pages of a book he found on the couch. “This entire journal is about an episode of ‘Pirate Master’ what a grisly show. This is going to take forever.”

“I actually took a speed reading course. I tested at 8 hundred WPM.” Triss looks proud. 

“That’s pathetic, I tested at 802.” Geralt smiles as he brags, smirking at Triss. 

“That’s pretty close to Triss’ score.” Renfri is looking between them, probably unsure if there is going to be a fight. 

“No, no, 802 is incredible. He pwned me.” Noticing Renfri’s surprises face she elaborates. “I read the entire urban dictionary so I could understand what the kids we bring in are saying. I finished it in 44 minutes.” 

Geralt stares in awe at Triss, admiring her soulful brown eyes. “I’ve never been so attracted to a gay woman before and I dated a couple in college.” Geralt had dated both Yennefer and Jutta, a dark haired woman who went into opening a martial arts gym and eventually broke things off with Geralt when she realized she only had platonic feelings towards him and was actually head over heals for her roommate Freyja. Yennefer had dated him multiple times. When things didn’t work out she would try Istredd. Eventually she met Tissaia at the academy and developed an all consuming crush forcing her to acknowledge the fact that she only really felt for other women. Then, her and Triss had met at the precinct and been in love ever since. 

“Shall we have a read off Rivia?” Triss challenges elbowing him playfully. 

“How ever could we do it without finger guards?” Geralt taunts her back. 

“We shall do it raw.” She narrows her eyes at him. 

“Ok, well I normally don’t advise such childish competitions in the workplace this might make things go faster.” Renfri still looks like she’s unsure if a fight is going to break out. Deciding that everyone is safe, she joins in on the teasing, and makes eye contact with the older detective. “Just one question Triss, are you sure your old-ass-eyes are up to the challenge?” 

“See, I know you’re just trying to motivate me, but these so called ‘old-ass-eyes’ will be reading your eulogy, bitch.” Triss raises her eyebrows. Renfri just smirks at her. 

Geralt and Triss each clear off a chair to sit at the table. Once settled, they rapidly begin to read. After he finished 10 journals he hears Renfri walk it. 

“How’s the reading coming along?” She asks cheerfully. 

“What do you want Shrike?” Geralt turns the page and with out looking up, sarcastically questions Renfri. “Or are you just here to fan some more flames.” He turns another page. 

“No, I’m just here to see who loosing, and therefore has to wear this hat I made that says ‘more stupider’ ha!” Renfri hold out a snap back with ‘more stupider’ written in sharpie on the front panel. “Fine. Yeah, I am here to fan some flames.” Just as both Geralt and Triss look up at the hat she begins flapping it in Triss’ face. “Fan, fan, fan, fan, fan Merigold.” Triss responds with a scowl. 

“Don’t call her Merigold, call her Virginia Slim, because I’m smoking her.” Geralt hides his smile behind the book. 

“Damn Rivia!” Renfri claps. 

“Comrades, you are moving very fast, but there is no way you are actually comprehending anything. I am taking my time and reading deliberately. You know what they say, slow and steady wins the race.” Valdo flourishes his hand, not unlike how Jaskier does, and grabs another book. 

“Bullshit. Classic reg-reader nonsense.” Geralt rolls his eyes. 

Triss snorts. “Yeah, what are you going to say next? That you read to relax?” Triss laughs heartily and Geralt joins in, making them sound like cackling witches. 

Their next interruption is Valdo, who is lounging on the couch relaxing like there aren’t two detectives that went off the grid. “You guys are ridiculous. Neither of you has taken a bathroom break.”

“Are you kidding me?” Geralt growls. Jaskier is out their right now probably getting kidnapped by Skellen’s gang. Yennefer is gone too. He doesn’t voice this. Instead he shares some trivia. “Do you think world record-holder Linus Pitt would stop in the middle of a read-off to expel?” Startling him, Triss inhales sharply. “What’s going on Merigold?” 

“It’s nothing.” She dismisses. “It’s my guide finger. I’ve got paper burn.” 

“Let me see.” Geralt stops reading and Triss just harrumphs. “Triss you’re hurt.” She ignores him. “Don’t be a hero!” Him yelling makes her slam down the book and look up. She sighs and holds up her right hand. Her index and middle finger are all red. “Damn. You must have been cooking.” 

“I was.” She puts emphasis on the last word. 

“C’mon let’s take a break, put some salve on that.” 

“Right.” She knows how competitive he gets. Luckily she is just as competitive. “And when I come back my finger’s slipping all over the page?” She waggles her red fingers in front of his face. “Nice try, but I’m not falling for any of your tricks.” Her nostrils flare. Geralt is probably enjoying this too much. 

“Oh but you already have. While you have been waggling your fingers in the air, I’ve been reading all this time out of the corner of my eye.” He moves the book off his lap and proudly shows it to her, enjoying the horrified look on her face. 

“Damn it!” 

He continues running his finger down the paper. This mornings topic is quite bland. Marilka has written about her plans to enrich one of her fish’s tank with hand painted figurines. Valdo has moved to join the table where only a couple dozen books are scattered. The couch he had been previously occupying was now littered with all the books they had read. 

Tissaia rushes in. “I just talked to the daytime manager at the hotel where the handoff was supposed to happen. He said Marilka’s room was empty and there was no sign of Jaskier or Yennefer. He says they left over an hour ago and that Yennefer was shoved in the trunk of her car. Is there anything in those diaries that could help us find them?” 

“Marilka mentions her mom a bunch in one of the ones I read.” Valdo picks up a purple book. “Seems like she tells her mom everything.” 

“Thank you Detective Marx, that seems like a good lead.” 

Valdo stands. “That is a good lead isn’t it. Did you hear that speed freaks?” Valdo sits back down. 

“Let’s find out all we can about the mom.” Tissaia turns to leave. Valdo speaks up again causing her to turn back around. 

“I’ll start reading right away, because slow and steady wins-“ 

“Her mother’s name is Libushe Annika Irion.” Geralt’s gruff voice cuts Valdo off. 

“She drives a white Lincoln.” Triss adds. 

“Vanity plates, ‘LIBUMEYN’ it’s her and her husband’s ship name.” 

“She’s was engaged three times.”

“First Joseph Batten.” 

“Then François Coetzer.”

“And then Caldemeyn Irion.” Geralt finishes. 

“She goes grocery shopping on Tuesdays.” 

“Water aerobics on Wednesdays.”

“Book club is on Fridays.” 

“She drinks way too much wine.” Geralt huffs. 

“Always red.” Triss is talking just as fast as he is. 

“Always from Toussaint.” Geralt has almost forgotten Valdo is sitting behind him. 

“The race. Slow and steady wins the race.” Valdo tosses his book on the table in defeat. 

They read the remaining books and learn of a recently bought mansion. They gear up and pile into the squad cars. Lambert pulls up to the mansion first, sirens blaring, the rest of the precinct trailing behind. Geralt grabs the megaphone attached to the car. 

“Verden Police, everybody down on the ground.” His voice echos on the stone staircase. “Don the ground, right now. VPD, get down on the ground.” 

Lambert parks the car and they race up the staircase to where Skellen’s gang are pointing guns at Marilka, Jaskier and Yennefer. He hears Officer Nimir Neal yell ‘Put ‘em down’ and watches as he tackles a gang member. 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Lambert says and Skellen grabs Marilka and points his gun at his head. 

“I will shoot her!” Skellen locks eyes with Lambert. “Put down your gun.” 

“Oh, man, grabbing Marilka was a big mistake.” Jaskier watches gleefully as Skellen begins to ask what he means but is stopped when Marilka throws her elbow into his face and twists out of his grasp. Skellen barely has time to grunt before Marilka triumphantly yells. “Hi-yah!” Marilka karate chops him in the middle of his face. Groaning, Skellen falls to his knees.

“Woah. Good job Marilka.” Lambert nudges the gang leader at his feet. 

“Thanks.” Marilka turns to Geralt. “By the way, Jaskier thinks you smell like ‘rotting onions that have been left outside in the smouldering sun for a week during the hottest days of summer’ sorry.” Jaskier winces behind her. 

“What? That’s weird. I don’t know why she said that. Anyway, let’s get Marilka into a cop car!” Jaskier gives a wide berth to Geralt who is still staring at the spot Jaskier was with a puzzled look on his face. 

Officer Tuirseach leads Marilka to a car and tells her about how his husband is doing.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by season 7 of Brooklyn 99.  
> Marilka kills a dog just like in cannon. Minimal swearing and canon typical violence (for both shows) is to be expected.
> 
> Did you catch all the Easter eggs? Comments and Kudos give me happiness!
> 
> Jutta-Emilia Clarke  
> Skellen-Christian Vit  
> Marx-Jorge Suquet


End file.
